Feminism for Dummies
by skitpaella
Summary: Independent and sassy, Kala is not afraid to talk about sensitive topics and make fun of them. She will lit the world on fire by throwing unique jokes, telling the most unpredictable stories, making her crowd cry from laughing and presenting a peculiar perspective of things: a woman's point of view. You are not going to be the same after you meet Kala!


A/N: Hello there! 

Thank you for choosing to read Kala's adventure;

it's full of icy commente, strong language, some sensitive topics and might cause bellyache from laughter! 

English is not my first language so is the possibility of grammar mistakes (even though I revised this story many many times), if you find one, please, contact me so I can correct it.

All constructive comments are welcomed!

(and I would love to know what you are thinking about)

Hope you have a great time reading this,

_Skitpaella_

-x-

The sounds of people clapping and screaming was crazy when Kala came into the stage. Sidney's Opera House was alive and ready for her fire. And she had it all.

"Good night everyone! Thank you for coming to my first gig, yay!" she says with the tone of a super excited child and everyone laughs "It's crazy I know, I know. I was given a one-hour show, one entire hour at the Opera House. And you know what was my first thought? I was like: oh shit, I do small gigs of thirty, maybe forty minutes, what am I to do with the twenty-minute gap?"

The sound of loud laughter filled the entire place. Kala took a few steps to the front in order to get closer to the audience and lowered her voice to say "Yeah folks, laugh a lot please, and I do mean it, we have twenty minutes to fill and I haven't got enough jokes for that."

And she had the crowd laughing hard again in seconds.

"You know, until now, my biggest crowd was in the local bar in my hometown. Let's say there were usually about sixty to seventy people there... to drink and eat obviously, not to see me. I just happen to came with the package twice a week." Kala turned to the other side of the stage and continued her speech "So, the stage there is like less than one third of this one right here and it is located next to the bathroom. I'm not joking, do not laugh, this is not a joke. The bloody stage was literally just a few meters away from the bathrooms"

She pointed her finger to someone in the crowd

"Hey you on the third line, I said do not laugh, stop it! Trying to tell a joke while someone is on the other side of the wall pissing is not an easy job!"

She waited until they all calmed down from to continue.

"But you all must know that I am very grateful for my time there, it made me open my mind to the mankind. But before you ask, no, I did not grow a penis."

Laughs fulfilled the place

"What I am trying to say is that working in a bar made me understand the male gender. Most of it anyway, some things are not meant to be understood. Therefore, ladies here tonight, let me tell you one thing: men are the strangest living creatures ever. They say we are but, in reality, it is them! Let me give you an example: during Women's Day, the bar that I worked until yesterday would only allow women in. That was like the one rule you don't break if you are a man in my hometown, otherwise when you get in, the girls might thing you are a stripper and tear your clothes down before you can say your name"

Kala could hear a few people cheering with the thought.

"You people need to control your hormones! So, back to the Women's Day, I was so excited to do a gig that night for an 'only women crowd' that I put some makeup on and the finest high heels I had. And believe me, that is saying something, because I don't dress up for anyone but me. When I finally got up the stage, every woman was looking at me like this..." Kala puts the microphone down and stares at the front roll with a nasty face and people can't held back their laughs once more. "That was so bloody scary that I considered to do it on the other side of the wall. Imagine me sitting on the toilet with a mic and people just coming in to shit, yeah that would have been horrible. I thought to myself: girl, you got to grow some balls, it is just a room full of vaginas. Vaginas that might judge you for the rest of their lives, but still vaginas. Just like yours. So, tits up and do the best fucking gig you've ever done"

Kala stops for a moment. "Damn, I dream high, too high sometimes. Five minutes through and someone on the back raised her hand, I knew I was in deep shit, but I couldn't go back now right, so I let the woman talk. She stood up and asked where were the stripes"

There is not a single soul that is not laughing his or her ass off while Kara holds a 'wtf face' on to make it even more fun.

"In a 'all men crowd' this would never happen, want to know why? Because half would be too drunk to realize what is going on while the other half would think I was the stripper. If they didn't like the jokes, I could simply show them my bra and they would tell my boss that it was the best show the bar had in a very long time."

Kala waited for them to calm down their laughter so she could continue. "I know this might sound a bit sexist, but that is not what I intend. Dude, I tell jokes for living, no one in their right mind would take me seriously." She walked to the other side of the stage to get a plastic bottle "It's not alcohol by the way, calm your asses before tweeting that I was drunk on stage. Been there, done that. And it was not worth it" Kala laughed a little "Talking makes me thirsty, because I tend to spill saliva so if you are on the front roll, beware of the saliva rain drop. Don't say I didn't warn you" She blinked while drank up the water and went back to her show.

"So, where was I? Oh yeah, the strange men kind" Female screams filled the place, making Kala smile "Men are strange but that is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean we conquered the world because, thousands of years ago, when there were no GPS, no phone, no television, nothing, two men were sitting on the beach looking at the endless sea, one of them had this idea that there should be land somewhere else besides theirs and you know what the other one said? The other one said: yes, I agree with you. Let's go and find it"

The crowd was laughing one more time.

"Now tell me, girls, when would we do that with no GPS, no phone, no maps? Never! I don't even know how to swim so for me the answer would be a straightforward hell to the no." Kala hold back her laugh to try and keep a bitch face but failed, making everyone laugh again. "We, women, would not do the same because, since the very beginning of societies, we are in charge to take care of our children, the house we live in, the village we are part of and the food our family eats. Yeah, shit just got real uh"

-x-

The next part will be posted in a few days!


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